:如何在群体中表现得更加活跃

来源:百度文库 编辑:米粒芽 时间:2019/09/20 06:18:04

如何在群体中表现得更加活跃

(2009-07-08 10:18:55) 标签:

人际交往

人际关系

朋友

话题

谈话

校园

分类: 雕刻北外时光

 Sometimes you want to make a good impression with everyone and seem like you're interested in the rest of the group. Especially when you've just met some new people, it's usually better to lean towards the outgoing end of the scale. Getting that "quiet" label often works against those plans. Here are some simple strategies I came up with that help me be less quiet and come up with things to say:
有时你想给他人留下好印象,或者想要表现你对团体中其他成员的兴趣,尤其当你刚刚认识一些人时,通常是表现得外向点更好。被贴上“沉闷”的标签常常有害无益。以下是我自己想出来的一些简单的对策,它们帮助我不再沉默寡言,并且能够有话可说。

 

Tell yourself that you have to say something every so often
提醒自己必须不时说些什么

 

One thing that works for me is to make an explicit rule in my head that I have to say something at least every few minutes, preferably more. If not, I know people may perceive me as quiet. It seems basic, but when I spell it out to myself like this, it forces me to continually try to add new points to the discussion. Before realizing this, I'd hang back and listen to everyone, and take everything in, but sometimes go ten minutes or more without uttering a word. Or I'd get lost in my head and get distracted by my own thoughts and daydreams. You can't do that. You have to talk more often than it feels like you do. Consciously knowing this helps you do it.
对我挺有效的一条是,在脑子里树立一个明晰的条例,规定我必须至少每隔几分钟说几句话,或者更多。如果没做到,我明白人们就会觉得我沉闷。这看起来很初级,但当我亲口对自己这样说,就能迫使我自己不断地尝试为当前的讨论加点料。在认识到这一点之前,我畏缩不前,倾听每个人的高谈阔论,接纳他们所说的一切,有时连续十分钟(甚至更久)一言不发。或者,我在自己的脑海里迷了路,被我自己的思绪和浮想搅得心神不宁。你不能那样。你要更频繁地开口,而不是在思绪翩翩中自我感觉良好。有意识地明确这一点能帮助你开口。

 

When you're new to a group of people who all know each other, this rule especially applies. The onus is often on you to get yourself into their conversation. They may all be comfortable with each other, and benignly neglect to actively include you.
当你走近彼此都已相识的一群人时,这条规律尤其适用。因为参与谈话的义务通常在你。他们可能已然相处融洽,互感亲切而忘记了对方的存在,但同时却也忽视了你。

 

Don't filter yourself too much when trying to think of something to say
构思说话内容时,不要过度地自我审查

 

Often when I feel like I can't think of anything to say, there are actually lots of potential conversation topics passing through my mind. But instead of going with them, I nix them for one reason or another; "No, I can't say that. It's too boring.", "No, that's too out of the blue.", "Oh, I'm kind of nervous saying that, though I couldn't tell you why." Instead of censoring yourself too much, just spit out some of the ideas passing through your mind.

通常情况下,当我觉得我实在想不出有什么可说,其实还是有很多潜在的话题从我脑海中穿过。但是我并未开口,我出于这样或那样的原因把它们扼杀了。“不,我不能说这个。它太无聊了。”“不行,那太耸人听闻。”,“哦,说这个我会有点紧张,不知道是为什么。”这样的自我审查就太苛刻了,还是把你脑子里一闪而过的想法一吐为快吧。

 

Don't fret too much about saying generic things
不必担心自己的话语平淡无奇

 

I've read a lot of advice telling me not to bore people with cliched, unoriginal conversation topics. This has sunk in so much that sometimes I'll find myself paralyzed in social situations. I'll meet someone new and not say anything to them because I think it's a huge faux pas to ask them something uninspired, like where they work.
我曾经读过很多建议,它们告诉我,不要拿味如鸡肋,陈词滥调的话题来让人觉得无聊。这个说法渗入我内心之深,以至于有时我发现自己在社交场合形同瘫痪。我会新认识一些人,却不打算和他们说点什么。因为我认为,如果我说了什么让他们觉得毫无触动的东西,就是巨大的失礼,例如,询问他们在哪里工作。

 

Just say this stuff anyways. Something is better than nothing. Often, dull questions like, "What do you do for fun?", or "Seen any good movies lately?" get the ball rolling. Soon enough you're talking about something more interesting. They can be a necessary evil, a reliable, if tiresome, fallback. When people ask me questions I've heard to answer a million times before, I'm not always crazy about it, but don't hold it against them either. Ideally you can avoid boring topics, but if you can't think of anything else to say, then go with them as opposed to be quiet.
就在一般意义上说说这件事吧。有,总是聊胜于无。通常,愚蠢的问题,如“你喜欢做什么?”,或“最近看过什么好电影?”就能引起话题。很快你们就会转而谈论一些更有趣的东西了。愚蠢的话题不好,却又缺之不可,就算很无聊,也是一种稳定可靠的后备方案。当人们问一个我已经答了一百万次的问题,我未必不觉得要发疯,但是我也不会怪罪他们。在理想的情况下,你可以避免涉及无聊的话题,但是如果你想不出什么别的话来,那就用它们吧,以免冷场。

 

Take the lead in the conversation if it's not going your way
控制谈话的方向,如果它偏离了你的轨道

 

Often I'll be quiet because the people I'm with are discussing something where I have zero to add, usually because I know nothing about the topic. If that goes on too long, then I'm suddenly the quiet one. If the conversation isn't going your way, try to take the lead and switch it to an area where you'll naturally have more to talk about.
经常,我保持沉默是因为同处的人们正在讨论我觉得无话可说的东西,这往往因为我对这个话题一无所知。如果这持续得太久了,我就突兀地成了沉闷的人。如果谈话没在你的轨道上,尝试引导和切换到一个领域,你自然会有更多的话要说。

 

More generally, if the other people are talking among themselves, and aren't making an effort in include you, you should take the initiative and try to work your way in there. There's no rule that says you politely have to wait for someone to directly address you and ask your opinion on something.

更一般地,如果其他人在彼此说话,却不打算把你包括在内的时候,你应该采取主动,努力把自己放进去。并没有规定说,你必须礼貌地等待,直到有人来点你的名问你对某事的意见。

 

Sometimes you just can't come up with something to say
有时,你就是无话可说了

 

These tips continue to help me, but at times my mind draws a blank. When you can't think of something to say, it's often due to shyness and inhibition interfering with your ability to think freely, and reducing these feelings is easier said than done.
这些小贴士一直在帮助我,然而有时我的大脑仍旧会一片空白。当你无话可说,它往往是由于羞涩和压抑感干扰了你自由地思考,而避免这些情感说起来容易做起来难。

The other usual explanation is when you honestly have nothing to contribute to the conversation (e.g., everyone is talking about old friends they have in common), and it's not appropriate to try and suddenly change it. But here everyone should at least understand that you can't be expected to be too chatty. Try to say something though when the topic changes.
其他常见的解释是:你确确实实拿不出能为谈话作出贡献的东西(例如,大家伙在谈论他们所共有的老朋友),而这时试图突然岔开话题又是不合适的。可是在这种情况下,每一个人至少都明白,不能期望你有太多话可说。所以,一旦话题变化,就试着说些什么吧。

 

If you do come off as quiet, do better next time
如果你被人看成是沉默的人,下次做好些就行

 

It's not unusual for someone to be a little tongue-tied around a new group of people. If you do better next time, then people will often forget their first impression of you. They'll realize you aren't a snob after all, or that you aren't meek and boring, and that you're actually a pretty interesting person to have around.

在一群新认识的人面前就好像被绑住了舌头,这样的事并不少见。如果你下次做得更好些,那么人们通常会忘记对你的第一印象。他们会知道你不是势利小人,也不是索然无味之辈,事实上,你真的是个很有趣的人。